i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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