Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
