Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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