From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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