bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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