im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
