i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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