Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
