I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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