Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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