omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Still dying that you shit outside
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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