What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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