In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
