I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
