I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
