i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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