i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
