New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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