Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
