even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
