I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
