I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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