I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
