He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
