with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
