Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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