i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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