legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
