just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
