hotel room ftw
Jerry, you need to find god
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
