So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
