Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
