I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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