You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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