my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
