dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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