I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
