In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
