In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
