ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
