I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Say something about gay babies.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
