kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
