hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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