went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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