Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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