i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
