dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
