...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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