Already got asked if we're dating
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
