We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
