Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is classic penis vs brain.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
