DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
