There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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